The Letter That Fuels

By Michelle Mattson, MBA, BSN, RN

“What is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind!?” I shouted. Staring at the middle aged-woman who was staring back at me. A pathetic look of pity on her face. She started laughing nervously, in a matter that angered me.

Looking away, with a heavy sigh, I tucked my hair back behind my ears. I regained my composure, adjusted my shirt and turned out the bathroom light.

Like the lyrics from the Taylor Swift song, “It’s me, I‘m the problem, it’s me.”

Yes, it is me. I am scared. I have done it before but yet starting this business feels scarier than last time.

Starting a business takes courage, determination and a plan. I have all of those things, but lately, my courage is waning. It’s easier to sit back and collect a paycheck. It’s easier to grind for someone else everyday.

Not!

It’s time to get back to the basics. The true Why.

By now, everyone has heard of Finding Your Why.

It’s easy to say that Your Why is because you don’t want to work nights, weekends and holidays anymore.

Is that the real motivator? Think about it, maybe you just don’t want to work nights, weekends and holidays making money for someone else. Meanwhile, they sit at home with their family enjoying the fruits of your labor.

This is My Why.

I spent two consecutive holiday seasons out of town, working on location for my employer. I missed the birth of my granddaughter. I missed my husband. I missed a normal life. I racked up a lot of airline miles and hotel points. These perks don’t mean anything when you are never home.

As the Director of Operations, I scrambled to provide nursing coverage at a surgery center. It was the end of the year when everyone has met the insurance deductible and wanted surgery. IYKYK. Late nights, early mornings, lonely hotel rooms, short staffed.

Needing a reminder of my Why today, I pulled out an old email that I sent to my CEO on a Sunday night, in December at 8PM from a hotel room.

Highlights of the email:

Dear CEO,

In review of the employee worksheet, which you recently submitted to me, I became aware of the salary amount to which you had increased Mary (administrator). This quite significant increase in pay, in such a short period of employment was soul crushing to me. To know that we have cycled through our second administrator in a year’s time, and both of these employees were being paid more than me, and received a walk-away bonus, is astonishing.

I need to take a moment to express to you why I believe that I am deserving of a bonus:

1- Mary was terminated upon request of the physician owners. I was asked to fly in and be present as she was walked out to ensure no disruption to operations. . It’s mid December, and I am once again spending most of the holiday season away from my family, unable to enjoy Christmas shopping, holiday baking or any other kind of festivity. I will fly out of Texas on Friday 12/22 night late, arriving home for 3 days, and then travel back on the 26th. This is the same exact scenario as last year.

2- I gave up the 4th of July holiday to be in Texas for the start-up of the new service line. (That site visit was 6/28-7/7). I missed the birth of my granddaughter to be make sure I was on site on June 28th (although my daughter was having labor pains when I left the morning of 6/28). After being disrespected in front of Mary’s staff on 7/3, I attempted to book a flight home but there were no flights available last minute. I spent July 4th defeated, sitting at the hotel pool by myself.

3- This week alone (Tues-Sat), excluding my travel time, I worked (boots on the ground, taking care of our staff and patients, not sitting in an office with the door closed) a total of 72 hours. My hourly wage calculates to less than what many of the staff nurses make.

4- I spent 3 straight months last holiday season here in Texas (Dec-March 2017), going home less than 2 times per month.

5- I tolerated a very hostile work environment for the 9 months that Mary was in place. Disrespectful texts, belittling emails- these were forwarded to you and you did nothing to stop it. I endured for the sake of making this center successful since our company has ownership interests. I am a professional and I take my responsibilities seriously.

These are some examples of my dedication to your company, which demonstrate that I have gone above and beyond over the past year.

In consideration, for the above reasons alone, I think a bonus of approximately 25 % of my salary would be appropriate. I have not asked for a bonus in the past, but believe it is time that I do.

The answer was no. The company wasn’t making any money. He stated that the board approved Mary’s increase although he had sponsored the recommendation. He was quick to point out that she only received the increase for 6 weeks before she was terminated.

Not one token of appreciation, apology. Nothing.

Reading this email, I still get angry. It’s the kind of positive fuel I need to remind myself- no one will appreciate my true value or contributions except for me. If I am going to give 125% to something, then I want to benefit from it, not pay for the CEO’s Jaguar or his honeymoon to the Amalfi coast.

That is My Why.

My “What” has changed since these events have occurred. My Why remains the same.

My respect, my family time, my worth.